Before we get started: know, that fighting bears is not for the lighthearted.

The only thing that is bigger than a bear, is the hole it can tear.

And that is the last thing you need, so please, sit down and listen or read.

You have to understand bear psychology first, and to do that, the roles must be reversed.

Imagine you woke up as a damn dirty bear, with all kinds of little shits stuck in your hair.

And you are always in the same mood, the mood for succulent, fresh and juicy fish food.

And then a hiker comes ringing that stupid bell, followed by that unwashed candy ass smell.

There is no way you the bear coul ever take a bite, without gagging with some awesome might.

Now let us switch to the average backpacker, who has not yet noticed the would be attacker.

They are proudly ringing a stupid bear bell, blissfully unaware of their terrible smell.

There is nothing that will make that bear come anywhere near, unless, of course, the babies appear.

Bears actually really love teaching and showing off their intellectual might, and they want their little ones to see how to grow up right.

But they want you to wave a spear, and scream like you are a warrior void of fear.

You see, this is where the nail clippers are useful, because a bear has nothing to teach by fighting a fool.

Given the clippers and that awful smell, the babies will laugh, and the bear think, you’re unwell.

Except for that off-brand candy-trail-mix-hiker smell, there will be nothing to show, nothing to tell.

Only the trail of lonesome dehydrated half burred black snakes, that still smell for miles like cupcakes.

Living in nature can often get pretty rough, and bears do get weird about sniffing stuff.

The bears will always leave you alone, just like the dozen beasts that followed you but are now gone.

You neither need a bell nor could hide your smell, and they know you human, they know you so! very well.

They know you are scared of mice, snakes, bees and flies, that you like rainbows, colorful flowers and everything nice.

And that some of you carry a second tent, so that you can take a secret dump, and call it money well spent.

The truth is bears love you in their own bear way, and they always get REALLY sad when you finally walk away.

Do bring a bear spray for sure, as the mood for food, can mess all of us up, really good.

And don’t leave them any food or candy, even if you do have it handy.

Jut take a few wide steps to unleash the glands, and keep on cheerfully walking though all the bear bad lands.